a little slice

So I don’t have quite the best relationship with Apple; seeing as how I refuse to buy their computers, and had to replace my ipod 8 months into its existence. I don’t know what I hate about Apple more, their horrible fucking commercials, their dickhead staff, or their completely incompatible hardware/software. My first experience with Apple was like a punch in the face from hell.

My ipod had stopped working. It would turn on, import all the songs from my itunes, and then if i tried to update it after that it would malfunction and I would have to reformat to do anything. So i try to take the ipod to my local ipod store (which is 30 minutes away mind you) and of course the idiots at the genius bar have no appointments that day or the next. That’s a great thing to hear, that your troubleshooting tech is full for the next two days, that really makes me want to buy more shit from Apple.

Anyway, so for a while i just took apple’s shit, and sat around with my worthless ipod. Until i came to my senses: i have a one year fucking warranty, apple should be licking my balls and asking for more, if i don’t get a new fucking ipod i will make a scene right here. So i go back. Some hipster dick fuck apple guy talks to me, and says if they have troubleshot my ipod and they see nothing wrong on their computers that’s all they can do. So i test these little douche bags with some logic i ask if i have a brand new computer, and i get that tested, and they say nothing’s wrong, and then i get the cord tested, and nothing’s wrong with that, and since you geniuses test my ipod and say there’s nothing wrong you’re going to tell me that there’s “something” else wrong? what some fucking pixie dust? and it gets better, because the guy says YES that there could be something else wrong…I basically became a squatter and said i would not go until someone did something with my ipod. he said i could wait around at the genius bar if i wanted another opinion. Yeah so i just sat at the genius bar and told him i wasn’t going to be screwed around with anymore…he claims that “apple does not like screwing with people”

Then my knight in shining armour came down with beams of light and the whole shabang. Some tech genius bar guy said, “oh is your ipod not working? are you under warranty? ok well just sign these papers, and here’s a new one.” WOO MOTHER FUCKIN WHOOO bitches!!! so there’s my brand new ipod..

fastforward about a year. My year old ipod is acting up. It just gives me sad ipod face all the time…yeah that’s great…so I bring it in(with an appointment this time) and lo and behold im greeted by some fabulous bald hipster fruit cup that thinks he knows more about tech than i do. He puts the ipod up to his ear, and tells me that it’s probably a hardware problem, well no fucking shit dickhead i can hear the harddrive chugging away too. He says, you can get it repaired, but it will probably be as expensive as getting a new one, so you should get a new one. Then i ask him if im going to have to get a new ipod every year. and he has the audacity to say, well not necesarrily, if you had gotten the procare you could have gotten this repaired…oh im sorry i didn’t know that i had to pay 60$ on top of the 399$ price tag, because your product is designed to break…yeah ok…so from my previous endeavors with apple, i noticed this douche wasn’t a tech bar guy and i ask him if he even works at the genius bar, he says no, but he can “handle” ipods. I said i’d wait around until a real tech bar employee came. He rolled his eyes, and said yeah well fine you’re going to have to wait two hours…yeah ok apple…

two hours of dicking around at the mall, finally get back give it to the tech guy, he goes in the back diddles with some cords for about 5 seconds, boom ipod is fixed no charge…yeah i <3 the tech bar…so final message: never deal with the dickhead sales people, and if you have this  ipod and it starts sad ipoding you, try get the tech guys to do a little fiddling before you shell out 399$ for a new guy.